wie man in phoenix auto fährt...

für alle auto-interessierten! ich bin im web über die anleitung, wie man in phoenix auto fährt gestolpert - aus der sicht von einer frau, die aus montana nach phoenix gezogen ist. ich würd's nicht ganz so extrem sehen, denn der verkehr rund um los angeles ist noch heftiger, aber ein großer teil ist schon wahr ;-) viel spaß beim lesen!

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX, AZ

1. 'Phoenix' actually consists of Scottsdale, Tempe, Chandler, Mesa, Gilbert, Glendale, Peoria, Tolleson, Avondale, Goodyear, Litchfield Park, Sun City, Sun City West, Sun Lakes, Surprise, Apache Junction, Guadalupe, and half of Mexico...(even though most Phoenicians will not claim the last three).

2. The morning rush hour is from 4:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 9:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'wussy', and you will be mowed down by a landscape truck with a 'Tickle Me Elmo' hanging for dear life to the back of the trailer. Don't ask me, I don't know either.

4. Forget the traffic rules you may have learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest mufflers go first at a four way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in SNOTTSdale, the SUV-driving, cell phone-talking, on-the-way-to-the-mall, jobless, soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you WILL be rear ended.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's an offense that can, and will, get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your driving pleasure throughout the middle of the night to make your morning's commute a tad bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, mattresses, shredded tires, the homeless, rabbits, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway, US 60 and the I-10 are the same road. SR202 is the same road as the Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called the Black Canyon Freeway as well as the Veteran's Memorial Highway. The SR51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy to pronounce. Plus, the word 'Squaw' is supposedly a derogatory word for the female anatomy...according to the Indians, but wasn't it THEIR word to begin with?? SR101 is also the Pima Freeway except west of the I-17, (which, remember, is also the Black Canyon Freeway and the Veteran's Memorial Highway). Thunderbird Rd becomes Cactus Rd - but Cactus doesn't become Thunderbird because it dead ends at a mountain. Scottsdale Rd is also Rural Rd and Hayden Rd becomes McClintock. Priest is just a mess that runs through the ghetto of Guadalupe, where traffic laws don't apply and where Sheriff Joe's posse is kept busy herding up the illegals by the bus load. Grand is the ONLY diagonal street in the entire valley, but it is also considered a part of the US 60. Since it is the only diagonal street it contains some massively fucked up intersections that rival Malfunction Junction in Missoula, MT (insert shout out to my Montucky folk here).

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated'.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and you will be tailgated and 'flipped off' accordingly until you 'get the hell outta the way'. If you return the flip, you will be shot. Conversely, 60 mph is standard in a 40 mph zone. People driving under these speeds are either old or illegal. Handle with care. Switch lanes, speed up, and get the HELL out of the way.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands. Who am I kidding? The same rule applies in the winter too.

13. 98% of drivers on the road do NOT have car insurance. The other 2% are actually US citizens.

14. It takes an hour and a half (at minimum) to drive 16 miles.
15. Please note that there are many, MANY more issues to the phenomenon of driving in Phoenix - like the 4-cars-turning-left-on-a-red-light rule - but these will at least get you acquainted with our unique life on the road.